In the aged pillars of the riad, I see myself.

Like the aged pillars of this riad, I embody my past and stand tall like a castle. One may look at me and trace the lines etched into my weathered body and imagine the countless stories and experiences that my pillars have witnessed over the years. From my smile lines, you can imagine my delirious laughs just as from my Glabellar lines on my forehead you may be able to imagine all the things that have once (and will continue to) upset me.

But, in contrast to my aged pillars, the addition of painted tiles symbolizes my change and all the ways I have grown. The vibrant colors, though they appear dull in this image, represent my life-long battle to live a life full of designs and color. The tiles, with their meticulous craftsmanship, symbolize my boundless potential to transcend all expectations. They symbolize my fight to become and be better, to heal, and to rebirth myself. 

I challenge life as an aged pillar by refusing to be just that, an aged pillar. I know that while I may be a pillar at my complete bareness, I can also be full of color and decorated with painted tiles. 

Looking at the pillars and tiles, a sense of nostalgia came over me. In this corner of the riad, I saw myself. I saw my perseverance to continue living life despite the cracks and lines in my pillars because along the way, the vibrant colors and intricate designs of the painted tiles awaken within me feelings of joy, wonder, and appreciation for the creative spirit of human endeavor.

In this way, art breathes new life into old structures. To infuse the mundane with a modern form of beauty, inspires growth and spiritual renewal. 

As I gaze upon the shapes and colors of the tiles, I feel a surge of energy coursing through me, igniting my own desire to explore and create. 

Like the painted tiles adorning the riad wall, I am inspired to embrace change, to embrace the unknown, and to embrace the endless possibilities that lie before me.

Life update

I have really grown into myself this year. I am becoming more comfortable with who I am and have learned a lot about the world. 

I am now in my second year of college, which sounds so weird to say. I changed my major in April from computer science to biology and it's been going well. It's a lot of work though I must admit. And let's just say, I am not the best with time management and keeping on track with all the due dates. 

I want to say I like college. But I also don't. I like that I am able to study what I want and I like my professors, but I don't really like how I feel like I am an imposter to all my classmates. It's hard to make friends but, as I have become more comfortable with myself over the year, I am fine with that. I am fine with not having many friends. I feel more focused and more at ease. 

But, with the friends I have made. I feel even better than I do when I am by myself. I feel seen, I feel heard, and I feel enlivened. They enable me to be... me. I am very grateful for them, alhamdulillah. 

Regrets of the year:

1. Not getting my license yet.

2. Taking a math class in the summer. 

3. Not including relaxing as a part of my schedule. 

4. Not reading as much as I wish I could.

5. Not changing my major sooner.

6. Not believing in myself just because of one grade. 

Happys of the year:

1. Spring semester chemistry and english class. 

2. Baked a lot. 

3. Finally got the hand of switching colors as I crochet. 

4. Going out with friends, making new friends.

5. Praying tahajud.

6. Learning to love others. 

7. Focusing more on Allah ﷻ.

Goals for the remainder of the year:

1. You guessed it.. getting my license. 

2. Visiting a museum. 

3. Writing and sending a letter to someone in my family.

4. Finishing a crochet project. 

5. Reading at least 10 more books.

    ⤷ I don't intend to quantify my goals, this is just a numerical representation of how many more "lives" I want to live by the end of this year. Perhaps I should type up a list. 

6. Learn a new language, or at least start exposing myself to one. 

    ⤷ For a while I wanted to learn Farsi and attended Jummah lectures at a masjid that partially delivered the lectures in Farsi. Attending Jummah there used to be the highlight of my weeks. 

7. Cook a full meal for my family & share with neighbors.

8. Travel out of state... 🙈

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