I miss her smile. 

How she would nod her head when she tickled me. 

I miss her voice. 

How she would call for me and say "thank you beta."

I miss her. 

I miss her smell. 

And her cute jokes.

I miss the person I was around her. 

I miss her arms around me as she pulled me into a close hug. 

I felt very safe in her arms when she would pull me into a close hug. 

But she is at home. 

She is with her loved ones and Creator. 

She beat me to it. 

And as she looks down at me, 

I can only hope that she sees me trying.

I miss you Dada. 

September wrap-up & October tbr

Greetings reader, it has certainly been a while. 

Life has been... life, so I haven't really been able to write on here. But all of that will change soon, I plan on writing more on here and taking time off social media (a whole blog post to be expected on the topic). 

I read four books in September: Crime and Punishment, The Prophet, Layli and Majnun, and Some Kind of Happiness. 

Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I've been wanting to start Russian lit for a while now and I'm glad I started with Dostoyevsky's very emotional yet philosophical tale. Dostoyevsky's century-old message is still as unsettling, present, and alive as it is today. Crime and Punishment is about a poor university student, Rodian Roskilnikov, who commits a crime that he hopes would rescue him from his poverty, allow him to be a better person, and help others. Rodian Roskolnikov suffers a constant struggle with the moral dilemma he experiences after committing the heinous crime. It's quite intriguing to read the story of a criminal and how one could possibly live knowing that they have killed not one, but two people.

I rated this book a 4/5. I might read it again, but I wanna explore Tolstoy and Checkov next to gain a better idea of classical Russian literature. I highly suggest watching Jordan Peterson's video on the book but there are some spoilers so be aware of that.

The Prophet - Khalil Gibran 

I really liked this book. It was short and lyrical. Although there were some parts I disagreed with, overall I liked the style in which it was written. 

"Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror

But you are eternity and you are the mirror." 

You can see from the quote above how lyrical Gibran can be. And how beautiful at that! I had a fun time reading his poetry and look forward to reading more. I like that he wrote in prose and it is a style that I am looking forward to exploring more in the future. Despite the short length of the book, I did not want to rush reading it. I wanted to connect with its meaning and taste its sweetness on my lips. While reading it, I found myself to be very relaxed. I felt separated from my present world. I read that book during a very hard time of my life. His poetry helped me battle my depression by allowing me a safe space to escape to. Also, September is such a good month to read poetry. September and May. I think it is because in those months we experience the transition into the next (more extreme) seasons.

Layli and Majnun - Nezami Ganjavi 

I LOVED THIS! FIVE OUT OF FIVE! I really want to re-read it Insha Allah.

Some Kind of Happiness

Really cute but depressing children's fiction book. I liked it! 

October reading list 

October is probably my favorite month. It gets chilly and I love the spookiness of the season. 

11/30/2021 8:55 pm

Crime & Punishment

Crime & Punishment is a Russian novel written by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. 

Crime & Punishment is set in St. Petersburg during the 1860s. It follows Raskolnikov who is an impoverished student determined to grant justice to the people of his city by committing a crime and suffering its punishment. 

"When he commits an act of murder and theft, he sets into motion a story that, for its excruciating suspense, its atmospheric vividness, and its depth of characterization and vision is almost unequaled in the literature of the world." 

Dostoyevsky quite amazingly utilizes the psychological themes of sin, guilt, and redemption to create the nineteenth century's greatest and most compelling philosophical drama. 

End of summer break reading

Greetings to my fellow reader!

Today is the first day of my last year of high school. 

As summer break comes to end, I have been in a very relfective mood. I will update you later on my travel once back home. 

End of school year reading

Greetings to my fellow reader! 

I have been out of school for a week now. Alhamdulillah, I had a great school year and I really enjoyed our American literature class. My teacher was super sweet and I will miss being in her class. 

We read three full books in my class but many more short stories, essays, and poems. The three books we read were The Great Gatsby, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, and The Red Badge of Courage.

I enjoyed reading The Great Gatsby most but the other two were okay. 

Anyways, earlier in the year I made myself a small list comprimising thirty titles I wanted to read this year. I'd say the majority are classics but I also have some contemporary ya novels that I want to read. So far, I have read about four of them. Below is a list of books I want to read this summer:

Moby Dick

Frankenstien (re-read)

Life of Pi

Arabian Nights

Layli and Majnun

As I have mentioned before on here, my goal this year is to read at least forty books. I'm on track so far but I fear that I may not be able to finish 9 books in the summer as my goal would require me too. However, I am currently reading two, Bird Summons and Layli and Majnun so hopefully I can finish those before we leave for Morocco, Insha Allah.  

The American Bookslayer xx

Cinnamon Pecan Crumble Coffee Cake (a mouthful)

Repost! 

Hey there. I have been making this cake a lot recently for my family. It is extremely easy to make and I always have the greatest time making it. Still trying to figure out how long to exactly bake it for but one day I will get it down, Insha Allah. I like making this cake in the evenings to warm the home up and have it the following day for breakfast with tea. 

Ingredients

Streusel

½ cup packed dark brown sugar

¼ cup all-purpose flour

1 tsp ground cinnamon

3 Tbsp unsalted butter, melted

¾ cup chopped pecans

Cake

2 cup all-purpose flour

1 Tbsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

½ tsp baking soda

¼ tsp cinnamon

½ cup unsalted butter, melted

1 ¼ cup sugar

1 ½ cup sour cream

2 large eggs

2 tsp vanilla extract

Directions

Streusel

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F and grease a 9-inch square pan.

2. For the streusel, combine the brown sugar, flour, and cinnamon and stir in the melted butter until evenly combined. Stir in the pecans and set them aside.

Cake

1. For the cake, sift the flour, baking powder, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon. In a separate bowl, whisk the melted butter, sugar, sour cream, eggs, and vanilla. Stir this into the flour mixture until evenly blended. Spread half of the batter into the prepared pan and sprinkle half of the streusel on top. Use a skewer or paring knife to swirl the streusel in a bit. Top with the remaining batter spread, and then top the cake with the remaining streusel, giving the cake another little swirl.

2. Bake the cake for 45 to 55 minutes, until a tester inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Cool the cake in the pan to room temperature before slicing.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post !

The American Bookslayer (Asma) xx

Beautiful Boy by David Sheff

"What happened to my beautiful boy?"

Beautiful Boy is a heartbreaking memoir written by father & author David Sheff. 

I first heard about this book in 2017/2018 when it was announced that there was a film adaptation of the book in the works. It was very big news for Steve Carrell to cast as David and Timothee Chalamet as Nic in the film adaptation. (Especially Carrell as most of his roles have always been someone cheery, funny, the life of the party etc. He is the world's greatest boss after all.)

I checked out this book months ago but due to our move and Ramadan, I wasn't able to read it then. In the last week of May, I had finals and my siblings were here so I didn't want to read a depressing memoir. I had to be in the right mood. I had to be compassionate and mindful of a family's struggle. 

And man oh man. 

I tear up when I read books. Sometimes. But this book is not like the others I have cried over. This one is so... real. And it was really weird for me to read because Sheff, being from the Bay Area, wrote about places I grew up visiting. From the Point Reyes station to the little beach towns along the North-of-San Fransisco coast. He recounts his memories and fatherhood with his children in the same places my father used to take me, my sister, and my brother. 

So yeah, it was incredibly emotional and to a personal level too. 

I loved it. When I was younger, as we would drive by those little hippie beach towns north of the city (SF), I always used to wonder at the type of people who chose to live in the country, if you can even call it that. After reading Beautiful Boy I have a better idea. 

Families live there. Sheff, spent his weekends taking his children and wife on hikes down the coast and up north by Lake Tahoe. My family used to do that. In fact, we used to go to the exact same ones that he wrote of. The ones that don't even show up on Google Maps. 

Sheff doesn't just write about his son's addiction. Rather, he tells us the story of his beautiful boy. He tells us of the day Nic was born, the trips to the park they would have, the school events, their surf days, and much more. He is the father of a boy he lost touch with. And that's what breaks me. He becomes codependent on his son but has to stay strong for his two younger children who are traumatized by their brother's behavior. 

Throughout the book, Sheff compares the treatment of cancer patients to those addicted to drugs and alcohol. Cancer patients don't choose to have cancer whereas a person addicted to drugs made the mistake of using them... even if just once... and has ruined their (and their families) life due to that. While I am still unsure of where I stand on the argument, nonetheless it has made me feel more deeply for families who have someone in their close circle addicted to drugs. I could have never imagined the horrors of that sort of life. May God protect us all. 

"No matter what we do, no matter how we agonize or obsess, we cannot choose for our children whether they live or die... I finally chose life for myself. I chose the perilous but essential path that allows me to accept that Nic will decide for himself how --and whether-- he will live his life."

As a parent, Sheff reflects on his parenting and blames himself for his son being this way. In Chapter 25, he visits his son for the weekend at an institute in New Mexico. Sheff and his ex-wife Vicki both agree that this would be the last time they try to save Nic. This would be his last chance and if he relapses or runs away, he is to fend for himself. 

A therapist tells them both that this weekend is not for blaming themselves rather "moving beyond lingering resentment." A father there, visiting his child who is also a patient at the institute tells Sheff that, "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Amazing. 

Though the book covers some very hard topics, it has changed my views on drug addicts. In the end, they are people who need proper treatment and help. They can be parents, children, spouses, etc. They are more than their addiction. The system has failed them and the war on drugs hasn't been victorious. 

May God protect us all and heal those who are suffering. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post ! 

The American Bookslayer (Asma) xx